The Beginning

I woke up at five this morning, anxiety coursing through me. I have spent the last week trying to track down court records from California, evidence of poor decisions in 2001 and 2007. The charges in 2001 stem from an unfortunate encounter with a parking meter enforcer. We agreed to disagree resulting in a misdemeanor for disturbing the peace. In 2007, I received the first charge of many for possession of an illegal narcotic. The rest of my addiction related crimes occurred in Utah. Ironically and appropriately, I work at a treatment center for girls ages 13-17. I mentor teens who have issues with mental health, self harm and addiction. The reason I am scrambling to obtain obscure records from my past is because I need my Utah State Board background check to clear in order to continue working. If I can not obtain the records I will be suspended indefinitely.

This is so frustrating because I informed my employer of all of my history when I applied, and they still took a chance with me. I love my job and I am very good at what I do because I have a high level of empathy for the girls I work with. The Utah State Board of Licencing is fine with the many addiction related charges I have had in Utah, and they will be fine with my offenses in California, if I can find records of them. None of my crimes disqualify me from working with children, but they still want the court dockets from eight and fourteen years ago. The reason I am sharing all of this is because what I am going through exemplifies the struggles one can encounter after incarceration.

It has been a while since I have been behind bars, but it happened, and I have felonies to show for it. Reintegrating into society as a healthy contributing member has been a journey. I want to participate in finding ways to make this transition more palatable and permanent for other people who are struggling to connect in a conservative, judgmental society. Recent research has shown that connection is the opposite of addiction. This is a new paradigm that shows that addiction is caused by a lack of bonding.

https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?language=en

How does all this fit together? It is clear by the high rates of recidivism that there is a need for some kind of mitigating entity that will assist people who are at high risk for incarceration. Essentially, I recognize a need because since I have decided to change my life, it has been an uphill battle. I am no longer a risk to myself or others. I am a strong contributing member of society.  I am an exceptional student. I have a great relationship with my husband and son. I believe in myself. Getting other people to believe in me has also come easily. Jumping through the hoops that my past choices have created is a @#$%^&*! I can imagine that those who are less motivated would be inclined to give up, and return to detrimental pattern behaviors that lead to jails, institutions and death.